I realized, that when I said something harsh to you, or when I regretted doing something that I don't really wish to do to you, I will, find you in my dreams. The truth is, I don't want you to be in my dreams no matter how close we may be in it. I choose reality pain instead of illusionary happiness. If I ever see you in my dreams, can I assume, that you are in depression? If I can, then I would do whatever I can, to prevent you from entering my dreams, or to be more specified, my nightmares.

        Sometimes I just wonders, what was the difference between today and yesterday? It was only a day, a typical day which we spent our time of life into it, stepping and growing. But still, what was the difference? Sun shines brightly upon the sky during the day, and the Moon shines lonely during the night. Everyday we passed a day, the day will be referred as yesterday, and the day after yesterday will known to be today.

        So, now I wonder, what was the difference between this year, and last year? All I know is, there's nothing different about it. Names are still the same, familiar faces everywhere. Even the pain I thought will begone this year, still clings to my soul. And the road I'm walking, remains the same, no stations to be seen nearby for me to take a stop and relax. Not another soul can enter my world and survive. It's just too hard for a living to live in my world. It's my world, if you're in it, it'll take you down in a minute...

        Actually, at the starting of this year, when I was walking, I found someone who was actually accepted to enter my world. She has a wolf pendant with a ruby carved on it. I thought that she might be someone special, so I think of her as someone who was the painter of my life. Nothing had made me feel confidence, but this was different, when i change the first letter from "Y" to "L", it means "Wolf" in chinese. Wolf is my favourite animal as it resembles lonely wisdoms. And when I turn her name from "L" to "Y", it means "Yin", which literally fits my name "Yang".

        After a few months of stopping my steps to understand her deeper, I realize, that our names might fit each other's, but she don't seem to have the feelings the same way I do to her. Therefore, I decided to let her go, let her roam back into her own world. I will once again, continue my steps into the never, with that wolf pendant of mine, with an obsidian carved on it...

        The truth is, I lied, to all, and to me. After some flashback, I realize that the pain I've been through, wasn't much at all. I've been given all needs and satisfaction since young, and never have I been in such terrible pain. Not in the past, not now.

        The only pain I've been through is untrusted and one more, which cannot be revealed. I have been closing my left eye and replace it with my heart to see the world for too long, and I can feel the unfelt, but cannot feel the felt. As for my right eye, which I don't close, don't feel the dire situation I'm in. What is supposed to feel have I not felt, and what is supposed to be abstract to me came into reality to me, feeling those pains shared by others.

        Tingling... Cells in my body parts are tingling, knives struck upon me as I proceed my path to reach the End. Ha... I've grown... As many knives thrown by You to me, will not affect me now, not even a bit. You know why? Because... I've been struck by your Executioner, remember? Now all your minor knives will have no further effects on me! 

        Burn... Cells in my body are burning, hot flames clung my body like a human fell into a pit, pulling the string in order to be saved. How's the fun, Master of Puppets? When only now you've seen that there is a puppet u play, from the same Creator, but just won't amuse You?

        Is that all? By walking on both paths with only one soul, walking like a reflection. Thanks to both of You, my Lord, and my Master, I am now a walking dead, walking with a grin hung on my face, be patient, as it's only the matter of time, before I will reach to the both of You, God, and Devil!

Even though this sucks, 

Even though this made you feel mad,

Even though this hurts me,

Even though I feel like crying now,

But one thing's for sure,

And that's you've successfully destroyed my promise,

The promise which creates a pit.

I thank you for teaching me self-control.

I thank you for teaching me life experiences.

I thank you for making me felt the worst.

And most of all,

I thank you...

For releasing me from my pain.

Even though there's still this last pain I'm feeling,

But I know,

That it won't last for long,

Because the Moon will be shining fully soon.

Thank you for all your time spent on me.

Good Luck, And Live Happily, In Your Life.

Going down with the Moon,

Whisperer

I hate the rain,

so I lent you my power to stop it.

You succeeded,

the rain has finally stopped.

You've saved me,

from the flood in my world.

But it seems,

that the rain has started again.

I tried to hide it,

but it solidify it's form in reality.

And this time,

it seems to fall, everyday.

        Everyone grows, and so will I. In this 15 years of my life, I somehow felt like I've been through different lives. If I think back now, I realise that the me in the past and the me in the present, is totally different. In the previous words from My Heart, I mentioned that I was divided into 4 parts, Soul, Mind, Vessel and Heart. And these 4 parts, matched my life.

        When I was 5, it felt like my Mind was in control of my actions. My thoughts were totally wicked and reckless, similar to the mind of a 14-18, it was totally filled with things a teenage boy would think in the age starting from 13. 

       

        When I was 8, I grew soft, like my Heart has awaken and stopping my Mind. I even felt sympathy for a potato that was crushed under the legs of a classmate. I had feared to do things that will hurt myself as well as others.

        When I was 11,  I started to love wolves, I started to become more aggressive, my actions were brave, doing things upon dared, rebelling my family, and likes to pack around with friends to have a chat. I also started to seek for strength, the stronger the better, and become a vigorous Vessel.

        And now I am 15, I started to believe that to hope is to give up. I started to feel alone, but yet like it. I started to be cold, emotionless, a person without feelings. I even believe that 'life' is nothing more but a reflection, everything we've done, is both a sanity and a sin. Try thinking back in your actions, and think the other way instead of the way u thought of it.

        I've only live for 15 years, so maybe another aspect will fall upon me as time passes by. And if you think that these words can't possibly come from a boy with only an age of 15, then read again, when I was 5, my thoughts were similar to those of 14-18, which means that there's a possibility that my thoughts were as old as a 45-50.