Hey... I don't know whether you are reading this, but I just feel like this place is the right one for me to speak out. I just want you to know that in this world there is no perfect joy, therefore there is no perfect misery. So, things will get better, just be patient. Oh and, if you ever need someone to talk to, you know I'm here. (:

• Why do humans always look to the sky? Why do you try so hard to fly when you don't have any wings? As for us, we run. - Kiba

        I hope that you can promise me that you will not run anymore, embrace it okay? (:

        My dreams and my reality, both of them seems to be my reality. I greatly wonder, is my dream, a reality of another choice I've taken? If I connect my past condition and my present situation, this theory might be true, and what I'm experiencing now as my reality would may be dreamt by the me in my dreams as a dream. 

        If so, I will thank you for making that choice, because certainly, my dream is what I've always wished to be my reality, but the dream i dreamt last night, it was the first time I had felt this warmth, but the situation was just so cold, it was a feeling I have always wished to have, but the situation? I don't want it, I never wish that I would bring you any trouble...

...If you can understand the me, then I can understand the you...

        I realized, that when I said something harsh to you, or when I regretted doing something that I don't really wish to do to you, I will, find you in my dreams. The truth is, I don't want you to be in my dreams no matter how close we may be in it. I choose reality pain instead of illusionary happiness. If I ever see you in my dreams, can I assume, that you are in depression? If I can, then I would do whatever I can, to prevent you from entering my dreams, or to be more specified, my nightmares.

        Sometimes I just wonders, what was the difference between today and yesterday? It was only a day, a typical day which we spent our time of life into it, stepping and growing. But still, what was the difference? Sun shines brightly upon the sky during the day, and the Moon shines lonely during the night. Everyday we passed a day, the day will be referred as yesterday, and the day after yesterday will known to be today.

        So, now I wonder, what was the difference between this year, and last year? All I know is, there's nothing different about it. Names are still the same, familiar faces everywhere. Even the pain I thought will begone this year, still clings to my soul. And the road I'm walking, remains the same, no stations to be seen nearby for me to take a stop and relax. Not another soul can enter my world and survive. It's just too hard for a living to live in my world. It's my world, if you're in it, it'll take you down in a minute...

        Actually, at the starting of this year, when I was walking, I found someone who was actually accepted to enter my world. She has a wolf pendant with a ruby carved on it. I thought that she might be someone special, so I think of her as someone who was the painter of my life. Nothing had made me feel confidence, but this was different, when i change the first letter from "Y" to "L", it means "Wolf" in chinese. Wolf is my favourite animal as it resembles lonely wisdoms. And when I turn her name from "L" to "Y", it means "Yin", which literally fits my name "Yang".

        After a few months of stopping my steps to understand her deeper, I realize, that our names might fit each other's, but she don't seem to have the feelings the same way I do to her. Therefore, I decided to let her go, let her roam back into her own world. I will once again, continue my steps into the never, with that wolf pendant of mine, with an obsidian carved on it...

        The truth is, I lied, to all, and to me. After some flashback, I realize that the pain I've been through, wasn't much at all. I've been given all needs and satisfaction since young, and never have I been in such terrible pain. Not in the past, not now.

        The only pain I've been through is untrusted and one more, which cannot be revealed. I have been closing my left eye and replace it with my heart to see the world for too long, and I can feel the unfelt, but cannot feel the felt. As for my right eye, which I don't close, don't feel the dire situation I'm in. What is supposed to feel have I not felt, and what is supposed to be abstract to me came into reality to me, feeling those pains shared by others.

        Tingling... Cells in my body parts are tingling, knives struck upon me as I proceed my path to reach the End. Ha... I've grown... As many knives thrown by You to me, will not affect me now, not even a bit. You know why? Because... I've been struck by your Executioner, remember? Now all your minor knives will have no further effects on me! 

        Burn... Cells in my body are burning, hot flames clung my body like a human fell into a pit, pulling the string in order to be saved. How's the fun, Master of Puppets? When only now you've seen that there is a puppet u play, from the same Creator, but just won't amuse You?

        Is that all? By walking on both paths with only one soul, walking like a reflection. Thanks to both of You, my Lord, and my Master, I am now a walking dead, walking with a grin hung on my face, be patient, as it's only the matter of time, before I will reach to the both of You, God, and Devil!

Even though this sucks, 

Even though this made you feel mad,

Even though this hurts me,

Even though I feel like crying now,

But one thing's for sure,

And that's you've successfully destroyed my promise,

The promise which creates a pit.

I thank you for teaching me self-control.

I thank you for teaching me life experiences.

I thank you for making me felt the worst.

And most of all,

I thank you...

For releasing me from my pain.

Even though there's still this last pain I'm feeling,

But I know,

That it won't last for long,

Because the Moon will be shining fully soon.

Thank you for all your time spent on me.

Good Luck, And Live Happily, In Your Life.

Going down with the Moon,

Whisperer

I hate the rain,

so I lent you my power to stop it.

You succeeded,

the rain has finally stopped.

You've saved me,

from the flood in my world.

But it seems,

that the rain has started again.

I tried to hide it,

but it solidify it's form in reality.

And this time,

it seems to fall, everyday.

        Everyone grows, and so will I. In this 15 years of my life, I somehow felt like I've been through different lives. If I think back now, I realise that the me in the past and the me in the present, is totally different. In the previous words from My Heart, I mentioned that I was divided into 4 parts, Soul, Mind, Vessel and Heart. And these 4 parts, matched my life.

        When I was 5, it felt like my Mind was in control of my actions. My thoughts were totally wicked and reckless, similar to the mind of a 14-18, it was totally filled with things a teenage boy would think in the age starting from 13. 

       

        When I was 8, I grew soft, like my Heart has awaken and stopping my Mind. I even felt sympathy for a potato that was crushed under the legs of a classmate. I had feared to do things that will hurt myself as well as others.

        When I was 11,  I started to love wolves, I started to become more aggressive, my actions were brave, doing things upon dared, rebelling my family, and likes to pack around with friends to have a chat. I also started to seek for strength, the stronger the better, and become a vigorous Vessel.

        And now I am 15, I started to believe that to hope is to give up. I started to feel alone, but yet like it. I started to be cold, emotionless, a person without feelings. I even believe that 'life' is nothing more but a reflection, everything we've done, is both a sanity and a sin. Try thinking back in your actions, and think the other way instead of the way u thought of it.

        I've only live for 15 years, so maybe another aspect will fall upon me as time passes by. And if you think that these words can't possibly come from a boy with only an age of 15, then read again, when I was 5, my thoughts were similar to those of 14-18, which means that there's a possibility that my thoughts were as old as a 45-50.

        Rain has been falling down recently, a symbol of tears and sadness, purifying this land as it descends. Whenever rain comes, I will feel an incomprehensible feeling. That is, I'm always having you in my mind as rain drops. I hate rain as it cools the weather when I like it warm. But at the same time, I love the rain as it reminds me of you which makes me feel not so alone. When rain falls, the requirement of water in my body decreases because my body temperature felt as though it is dropping like the rain, fast, but in a small amount. It felt like, I'm absorbing the rain, to be a part of me.

        Whenever rain falls, yes, I do feel a little depress, but followed by a soft smile as it reminds me of you. And for the thunder that rumbles to disturb the calm sound of the dropping rain is just like the flashback of the past, playing loud and clear in my mind, but only a for a short moment. That's why, I enjoy the sound of a thunder too. I wish that the purity of your smile, will last as long as the life, of the water in the world.

        Life, is about taking chances, never letting anything good bypass, letting only happiness to stay, and forget about all the pain. but little did they know, that life, is nothing more but a fool's play, just like William Shakespeare said... 

        Everyone fears test, so do I. But do I have the option to deny the test? No. Why? Because it is not I who is in control of my own life. I have no choice, no options, no vision and no sights. Only walking blindly, like a walking dead, with a cold skin.

        They say that your life is your own decision, and yet they are wrong. It is not you to decide but decided, by fate. Everything that happened, every dramatic scenes, every single talents that we possess, was all already recorded down in our book of life. Every step we take, we thought it is a big step towards life. This is nothing more but mere vague in life for it is us that was destined to walk down that path, and not our decision that lead us there.

        If you disagree with my beliefs, I'd say, think about it, was it us that chose night and day? Or was it destined to be in it's place? Or let us take an easier example, no matter how far we have walked down our path, we will always end up on the same spot and coordination, and that's the only fate we share - Death...

Friendship - Lycan

In a place where dust was once a man,
reality, was always simple.
In a place where human was a man,
reality, was the cruelest dream.

Fear is the thought that holds us down,
and too, the thought that kept us moving.
For fear to exist in the thought of a mind,
gives the advantage on every battle.

Upon shattered shard am I wandering,
in the mirror house of my mind.
For the shards that exist,
is the origin of these trust.

        Humans are fools, don't you agree? They never think from other people's angle, they only think that they're right, and wrong on other people. They never thought why would this happen, they only thought, why does he act like that? What is wrong with him?

        Why can't human consider from other people's mind? Why won't they think that they are the ones who could possibly be the one who is wrong at start? Why does human have to be this idiotic?! Why won't they think that whether will their spoken words will hurt other's feelings?

        Every human has felt pain, who doesn't? But every external pain can be eventually cured, only those pain in the inside can't be cured... Many people can't endure too much pain, if pain accumulates too much in one's heart, they'll find a way to overcome it. But the inner pain in my heart, no, it is not a stab, not a slash, nor is it a bullet pierced, but ruptured...

        Pain is the only thing that enables one to grow, but of course, it will cause opposite effects if it accumulates too much. My pain even caused me to realize four parts of me:

• The 1st aspect, Loneliness carrier, the Heart, is me who is kind to others and takes in every blame

• The 4th aspect, Emptiness carrier, the Soul, is me who is ready to let go of everything, even emotions

• The 5th aspect, Despair carrier, the Vessel, is me who wish to be able to be able to survive in any situation and withstand any given problems

• The 8th aspect, Insanity carrier, the Mind, is me who is thirsting for adrenaline

        Most people will avoid feeling pain as it is the worst feeling every felt to every single human... For me, I take in all the blame and recall everything I've done in the past before approaching that one again. For someone who has lost all hope, we just walk straight on our path, letting go of anything that wishes to leave, if we saw a slight light of hope, we assume it as an illusion, nothing more and continues to walk straight... I too, hate pain, but I know that pain is the only thing that enables one to grow, one who doesn't feel pain can't truly survive this cruelty world. And so I  defy my own feelings, and went in search of pain, in order to grow...

        This action of mine, has dealt an extreme pain to me, so painful that I hesitated before I did the choice... It was painful, but it was for your good, I think it'll be better this way, I won't have to break my promise in this way too. I'll take on the pain, so please live your life... Happily...

        Solitude... It has always been with me from the start, it helped me in many aspects... But as I grow, I'm starting to feel like escaping from this feeling... I wan't to have more friends... I've struggled very hard, and finally, I've succeeded. 

        Even so, right now, I've realized that my mind only comes when i'm in loneliness... I'm at my best when I'm lonely, whenever I'm lonely, everything comes to mind again, enabling me to absorb every detail and information of my conversations at school and my teacher's teaching, when I'm alone, I'm able to think further from many angles...

        Right now, I have only a single wish, and that's to go to a highland, living there alone with my mind, without any care of disturbance... I as well wish to have a pack that I can live with... To live in solitude, is my only option...